A Winn3r is You!  Three More Heroes
by Clement Rage
Summary: My first entry to a Winn3r is You, run by Avatarjk137.  Team is Henry, Jeane, and Travis.  Very dark themes in storyline.
1. Chapter 1

_Hello, folks. I'm Clement Rage, and this is one of my entries to Avatar jk137's Canon Character tournament A Winn3r is You! I fought in the last one as Robotnik. This's my entry for the team of Travis, Jeane, and Henry from the No More Heroes canon. I wrote this early because I want to be able to fix it if I mess things up. It's going to be hard to write this team, because _

_(SPOILERS FOR NO MORE HEROES CANON.-But you should probably read them before reading the story.)_

_1. Jeane murders Travis' parents, so it'll be hard to write them believably working together._

_2. The fight where Travis was killed in the last tournament was subsequently taken off the site, so I can't reference it._

_3. I will be exploring Jeane's backstory, which involves VERY dark themes. There won't be anything too graphic in here, but there will be references and hints._

**The Damned Reunited**

Pain. Her fist wrapped around his left kidney. Once she clenched her fingers, he was finished.

Travis Touchdown saw his sister hesitate. A flicker, some emotion he couldn't identify, and then she lost her moment, and was at his mercy, appealing to his better nature. But he'd come too far to stop now.

"_Brother, please don't kill me!"_

**I wanna bail, but where the hell's the exit?**

"_We're both in the same business after all"_

**There's no way out, is there? **

"_...And I've...had enough."_

**That's right. All we can do is keep running.**

"Sorry Jeane. This hurts me too."

**Then let's find the exit they call paradise!**

Hesitation, firmed grip, and then twin diagonal slashes, shoulders to opposite hips.

"...It's finally over."

Flash

"Mom? Dad? This's Jeane."

The girl in question extended a hand, smiling.

"I've been looking forward to meeting you both." Her red irised eyes flicked to Travis' father, who had gone white. "We have a lot to talk about." She planted a kiss under Travis right ear, watched his father wince.

His mother blinked, then smiled. "You have plans?"

Another smile. "Of course."

Flash

Travis Touchdown, future Crownless King of the UAA, opened his eyes. Jeane was gone, and he was thirsty, so he headed kitchenward.

"Mom? Dad?"

It was the first time he became acquainted with the smell of blood.

Flash

Ryu looked on as the punchbag burst under impacts, tore, and was finally sliced by twin diagonal slashes. He'd only had one student as motivated as this before. The boy had potential.

Flash

"I'll find you."

Flash

"I can help you to get even..."

Flash.

"Imagine that...you and I, brother and sister."

"Now do you see what I've been through?"

"...Maybe it had to be done. But vengeance...begets vengeance."

"You're right. Draw, _brother._"

Flash

"Goodnight, Travis."

Slash. Slash. Arterial spray, falling body.

"It's finally over."

Flash

"Hey, I'm Travis."

She looked up from the punchbag, which was visibly denting with each impact.

"Jeane. Nice to meet you. This bag won't last much longer, want to stand in for it?"

He was on the verge of a promising pro-wrestling career, he could take a few hits for a girl who looked like that.

_Three broken ribs later..._

"Well, you know how to get beaten up. Stop being chivalrous, you're embarrassing me."

She was back the next week, with bruises of her own. He wasn't her equal, not in hand to hand, but she couldn't brush him aside either.

Flash

Twin strikes, blood draining into the sand.

"It's finally ov-"

Flash

"How're your ribs?"

"...I'll live, I guess. Hey, listen, you want to get drinks? I know a decent bar..."

Long, long pause. "... Okay."

"Great. Just a sec."

They arrived at his locker, when Jeane stopped dead.

"What's−"

"Your last name's Touchdown?"

"Uh... yeah, why?"

"...No reason. Hey listen, will some other night be okay instead?"

"Uh, I guess. Is something wrong?"

"I...don't know. I don't...know. "

Flash

"Sorry Jeane. This hurts me too." He wasn't lying, although he desperately wanted to be.

Her eyes closed. "Goodnight...Travis."

His grip firmed, and he moved to strike. The buzz of the Cross Sabre clashing with Tsubaki Mk III sent shockwaves through his arms, but his grip stayed steady as he met his twin brother's eyes.

"Henry!"

"Hello, Travis. How's being dead suiting you?"

"It sucks. How'd you end up here?" Behind them, Jeane fell to pieces again, and faded away into mist. The room swirled around them into the conventional 'fire cavern' model of hell.

Henry stood back, lowering and deactivating his katana. Travis raised his own, and realised his hands were empty, his weapon having disappeared with the illusory desert.

"When you disappeared, Sylvia sent me to look for you. Without the 1st ranked assassin, there's no ranking battles."

"That was the idea. So how'd you find me?"

"Travis, your tournament was broadcasted worldwide. Raidou was the No. 1 assassin for a while, and then Mystique."

"Was? Who beat her?"

"She ordered a pizza. The guy delivering it added laxatives to the topping, and wouldn't give her the recipe for the antidote until she conceded the title to him."

"Shit. Maybe I should've done that instead."

"Come to think of it, Dark Star might be down here somewhere... "

"So how'd you get in here? And why?"

"Oh, well, when I heard a portal to hell had opened in Metropolis I thought I'd drop in and say hi. Got a visitor's pass from Charon. Nice fella." Henry adjusted his coat. "So how's things? I'm going to see Jeane next, you can come if you like."

"What? She's here?" Somehow, that had never occurred to him, in all his time here. "You know her?"

"Oh, sure, she was one of the founders of the UAA. Nice enough once you get to know her. I figured, since I was in hell anyway, might as well make a day of it. Family reunion."

"Henry, she killed our parents."

"So? They dumped me on an orphanage in Dundalk because they couldn't afford to keep twins. I'm not bothered about what happened to be honest."

Travis took a battle stance, then dropped it and sighed. "Lucky bastard."

"Want me to tell a few stories? You might change your mind."

"Fine. So, you coming?"

" Uh... Oh fuck it, I'm already in hell. Why not?

"Let's go find her. According to the receptionist, she's in the circle of Wrath, and if we're in the Violence section now, that means a good hour's walk."

00000000000000

It was dark. He hadn't bothered to provide her with anything like heating...or clothes, beyond the collar linked to the radiator by a length of chain. Electricity, furniture... everything was extraneous to _his_ needs in the apartment, although the room, now locked, where he kept his toys was more comfortable. Strangling an adult with her chain would take more strength than a fourteen year old girl possessed. Her benefactor was a lot of things, but stupid was not one of them.

Footsteps in the corridor. Too soon. An unfamiliar tread. Someone new? She shrank back into a corner as the door creaked open wide. Unusual, normally he opened it as little as possible to forestall escape attempts.

A familiar silhouette framed the doorway, taking one step inside as his eyes adjusted, then found her.

"Jeane, I hope you're ready for –Holy Fuck!"

An instant of confusion, before a memory surfaced and the illusion dissolved.

"T- Travis?" Her body began maturing, but he wasn't even watching, staring into nothing.

"Shit, Dad, why?" So, that explained the scars. She'd told him the story, there in the desert, but he hadn't really been able to connect the two images, his genial, doting father, and this empty apartment with its chains and bars.

"How...long?"

She was back to normal now, and with adult strength, was able to tear her collar apart. Clothes materialised on her body.

"Ten years, give or take. Here to make molestation a family tradition?"

"No! Fuck, no! I didn't know about this, I swear!"

"I told you."

"Yeah, but..."

"Here to fight, then?" She took a stance. Travis stepped back. Last time, she'd beaten him when he had a katana, he doubted he was capable of taking her on empty handed. Henry's blade crackling into life settled the issue.

"Settle down. I didn't come here so you could fight each other."

Jeane glanced up. "Hey Henry. How's Sylvia?"

"...We're divorced now. With both of you down, I wasn't able to keep up with her expenses."

"Aww." Said theatrically, with a smile, although that could just be that she was out of the apartment.

"How long are you here for? Or are you dead?"

"Travis is."

"Yeah, they let me out to watch the tournament. That was some fight. TV Reception down here's pretty good."

"Uh... thanks, I guess."

Henry looked at them, killed his katana. "Better. So, how do you feel about coming back to life? I met a guy on my way down here, says he'll let you out of hell if you enter a tournament on his behalf."

Travis looked up.

"What kind of tournament?"

"He didn't say. One second." He took a brown jar from his pocket and threw it at the ground, and a huge horned demon materialised. "This's Death by Chocolate." The siblings nodded, noting that his extremities began to immediately liquefy in the heat of nearby Hellfire.

"Hi. It's a little hot down here, so let's make this quick. You'll be entering on my behalf against BORED, the same people who employed Travis for tournament two, although I didn't meet him there."

"What will we be doing?" Surprisingly, Jeane asked the question.

"The rules aren't set in stone yet, but teams of at least three are going to be competing against each other in challenges. We have to negotiate the rules with BORED representatives, so we can't say with any certainty what any of those are going to be."

"Should we wait?"

Henry shook his head. "My permit to visit you expires tomorrow."

Travis glanced at his sister. "At least three in a team."

"Yeah. Double or nothing, I'm bringing up neither of you or both of you. Try not to kill each other."

Pause. Then Jeane: "I'm in."

Immediately, Travis: "Fuck. Me too."

" See you there." Death by Chocolate vanished, leaving only brown stains in his wake.

"How do think we'll do?" Henry asked his recruits.

Travis. "A family tree this fucked up, how can we lose? ...By the way, Henry, what's in any of this for you?"

"...They said I could be a playable character in the sequel."

"You have _got_ to be shitting me!"

* * *

_There it is, folks. My entry. PLEASE let me know if anything feels wrong, I want to do this justice._


	2. Round 1:  Vs Team DaiGurren

**Round 1: Touchdown Family v. Team Dai-Gurren **(An Ordinary Fan)

Jeane Touchdown woke up and stretched like a cat. It was the little things that people like Travis overlooked, that unexpected pulled muscle mid combat that was fatal. Being virtually the only assassin in the UAA who actually assassinated people, as opposed to kicking down doors and slaughtering everything in the building, she tried to keep the these things in mind, and what with being chained in hell for months, she was more than a little rusty. Her eyes, red tinged from years of darkness, swept the room. Empty. Good.

_Today's round one, huh? Hope we're up for it. _

Stretch routine complete, she opened the door to the lounge and waited. Henry was up first, which was probably a good thing. Any conversation with Travis was liable to become awkward quickly. When he did join them, the interlude was mercifully short before the envelope was slid under the door.

Henry picked it up. "We're due in Metropolis paintball grounds at 3pm.'

"Pretty late. Think the other teams are already there?" Jeane.

"Or they're all in different places."

"I'll head over take a look. You two come find me when it's close to time."

"Great! I'll bring pizzas!" Travis.

They parted ways without further dialogue, minimising the opportunities for undue familial friction. The repair bill for the hotel just wouldn't be worth it.

0000000000000000

_Shit, it feels good to be alive._ Travis stalked through Metropolis's streets, somewhat humiliatingly taking joy in just having a body. He wondered how long it'd take for the novelty to wear off.

Walking felt good, but he was really missing the Schpeltiger. If his memories could be trusted, it was scrap metal somewhere on Grand Cross Island. Shame, that.

After a while spent just walking, he stepped into a Metropolis chain of Pizza Batt. He'd been surprised to see it, he'd thought the chain exclusive to Santa Destroy, but it'd apparently expanded while he'd been dead. The Metropolis Branch apparently wasn't doing too well, though, cracked tiles and one tired looking manager trying to sweep the floor. He laboured over to the counter as Travis approached.

"Hey. I need three 13'' pizzas, as soon as you can."

The manager sighed. "I'd like to help you, I would, but...well, my two chefs have joined a death cult. They haven't been in in weeks."

Travis blinked. "Never heard that one before. What kind of cult?"

"The kind that kills people. They worship some freaky chocolate dude."

"Chocolate, huh? Tell you what, I'll go talk to them, maybe I'll convince em to come back, at least for a while."

The Manager laughed. "Good luck. Get me the guys back, I'll give you the pizzas on me."

"I'll hold you to that. Where would they be?"

"An alley three blocks down."

"Fuck, they don't even move around?"

"Never said they were good cultists. Now go get em."

**An alley three blocks down...**

"Dude, I wouldn't go in there..."

Travis ignored the Good Samaritan, strolled into the alley, and punched the nearest brown robed guy in the nose. The other three blinked, sheathing brown weapons and drawing two guns and a beam katana. Travis took a step back.

"Guys, you're OCs that exist only so I can benefit from looting your corpses. Give it up, seriously."

Katana lunged, forcing the assassin to take a further step back, then forward, kicking a kneecap, which cracked. The beam katana dropped from his hands. Travis scooped it up.

"Blood Berry, huh? Basic model, guess it'll do. Now, guys, stop it. This chapter has a fucking word limit you know."

The cultists lowered their weapons.

"Good. Now, you the guys work at Pizza Batt?"

Nods.

"Get back there now, your boss' looking for you."

_Ten minutes later..._

Loaded down with a good twelve complementary pizzas, Travis was about to leave when the manager caught up to him.

"Thanks a lot, I mean it...Travis."

"You know me, huh?"

"Oh, sure. The President has a standing order to kill you if you walk into a Pizza Batt establishment." He pointed to a notice on the wall. A picture of one Travis Touchdown 'Wanted...Dead.' "But I was feeling depressed about the ultimate futility of existence, so I didn't bother. Anyway, now I owe you one, so be careful."

"Still owe me, huh? Got a bike I can borrow?"

**Metropolis paintball grounds...**

"So, the thing you've got know about my brothers is, they hate making a scene. They always go for the low key entrance, you'll never see them coming."

Elan the Bard nodded. "I'll try to remember that. (Heehee, she'll never guess I'm spying). I don't like my brother much either. He's, well, a little evil."

"I never said I didn't like them...the, uh, family history is complicated."

Elan patted her shoulder.

"Don't touch me."

"Elan! What have I told you about strange women?" Jeane looked up. A girl with long orange hair came over and took the bard's hand.

"They're out to get me..."

"That's right! Hi, I'm Haley."

_Wiry, muscled forearms. Lightly dressed. Agility and Stealth. Hmm. _"Jeane."

"She's a rogue. Steals stuff. You ought to meet the others. There's Roy, he's our leader, and our main fighter. Then there's-"

"Elan! Come here, now!"

_That's fine. We're not fighting you today._

A beam katana crackled into life.

"Something wrong, folks?"

"Wow, you're right, that was low key."

"Elan, we're done for today, let's go."

Jeane looked at her brother. "What, no jumping from the sky today?"

"Flight restrictions. Thought I'd save the energy."

_Despair, the end of the world._

"I wouldn't worry, though."

_I hear the Rising Phoenix in my dream._

"I thought that song was copyrighted."

"Ssh!"

The gates of the compound were thrown inwards under the weight of the bike, literally shattering under its weight. Travis Touchdown landed on his feet as the bike exploded in his wake, beam katana in one hand, stack of pizzas in the other, framed by fire.

"What, am I late?"

**Metropolis TV station...**

"$1,000 to the one who brings me that shot!"

"It's too late, sir. The nearest cameras either don't have it clean or were destroyed."

"We've got a Time-Streamer in the city, don't we?"

"Sir, are you sure that's wise?"

"Of course not, but when the fuck has that ever mattered?"

**Paintball Grounds...**

Viral leaned against the fence.

"Hah, quite an entrance. I think I'll sit this one out."

Kamina stood up, half drawing the katana. "You're just going to let us do your work for you?"

"Why not? Show me it was worth my effort bringing you all here. Or are all you naked apes as pathetic as you look?"

Kamina fully drew his sword, Viral took a stance.

"You think we're just toys? I'll show you _exactly_ what I'm capable of!"

Pointed teeth glinted.

"If you like. Prove me right."

Kamina growled, stepping forward.

Yoko's hand touched his shoulder. "Kamina."

"What?"

"You trust Viral to guard your back?"

"Uh..."

"Over me? Over Simon?"

"...Uhm...no, but..."

"It's like you said. Let's show him what humans can do...What do you think, Simon?"

"...It's so strange... a city of humans, above ground. No-one's afraid of Beastman, people are walking around without a care. And we're here...fighting humans. Why? What are we doing?"

"To get home."

"I guess...but...I don't know if we should..."

"Simon...we're going to need Lagann. Let's just get this over with so we can go home."

His face firmed. "Okay...let's do this. What do you think those other humans are like?"

"I was talking to one of them earlier. Seem nice enough."

..._Nice..._

_0000000000000000_

"Ok then. Who's been up so far, Jeane?"

"Chibi dragons v. Hired killers, Successful rockband v. aliens and some American guy, Elementary school kid and his pets against three grown men, and a group of cosplayers against...some kind of sponge and a ghost. We're up against...Um, Team Dai-Gurren."

"Sounds Anime-ey. Cool!"

"The fourteen year old has a drill-robot. His friend uses a katana, and the dude with pointy teeth's a soldier. He could be a problem. They also have a team pet and a mechanic. Travis, you're up top with the sniper girl. Henry, if the mech is in play, you take it, I'll take whoever else is on us. Questions?"

"Yeah. Why are you doing the planning?"

"Because I'm the only member of this team who canonically does any planning. Happy?"

"I guess."

"Yoko! There's someone I'd like you to meet!"

"Who?"

Yoko approached. Her unique brand of dress immediately caught Travis' attention, and he walked to meet her.

Henry glanced at her. "Nice of you."

Shrug. "He needs something to take his mind off me, and she'll do nicely. I've been watching them, there's some weird team dynamic going on. She likes the one with the tattoo, but kid with the robot is hanging on to a crush. Travis is used to denials, but this is going to throw _all _of them off their game."

He looked at her again, something new in his eyes this time. "Smooth."

"I know how this works, Henry. You remember, right?"

"...That clerk? Yeah. Almost time now..."

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"Okay, folks, now I want a nice clean fight...Oh, who am I kidding, go nuts! I've done this four times already today, you know the drill. Everyone ready?"

In their individual corners, Jeane, Henry, Kamina, and Simon tensed.

"3...2...1...Showtime!"

Inside his machine, Simon instantly dove underground, out of vision from either attacker. Jeane snapped her head aside from Yoko's hello _(Headshot? Was that just habit?) s_lipped sideways into the trench, and began running along it towards Kamina's corner. He ran to meet her.

"Kamina, right?" She ducked under a diagonal slash, slid around it, and jabbed at his shoulder. The swift block surprised her, but she batted aside his counter, and backed up a step, right arm extended straight towards her opponent, left raised behind her head.

Denied the opportunity to say 'Who the hell do you think I am', Kamina growled and swung. Jeane took a sharp step back, barely clearing the tip of the sword, and ducked down to drive her fist into the ground, resulting in vibrations in her immediate vicinity. Kamina missed a step, staggering to one knee. Jeane stepped in for the kill, remembered the rules and hesitated. Kamina regained his feet. The assassin ducked under the katana, and stepped directly into to the brick in his other hand. Four of Jeane 's teeth bounced off the side of the trench. Seizing the offending hand, she swung her feet up and drove both into his shoulders. Kamina staggered back, grunting in pain. He lost the brick.

**Underground...**

Simon looked up.

"Bro...I won't let you down. Not now, not ever."

**Above...**

Travis ducked and rolled, Blood Berry crackling into being to take Yoko's next shot, but it knocked him back a step. Stepping forward again, he shook the hilt, brightening it to take the follow up. Sidestepping, he found himself at the corner of the arena, Yoko's silhouette reaching his vision dimly from the exact opposite corner. There was no easy way to reach her.

"Y'know what? Fuck this!" He stepped off the platform.

**Ground Level...**

Lagann exploded from the side of the trench, tipping Kamina and Jeane in opposite directions.

"Are you okay, bro?" The giant mechanical head said, spinning to face the assassin.

Kamina regained his feet.

"I'm fine. Watch ou−"

Henry landed on Lagann's roof, his katana scarring, but not breaching the shutters. Simon spun and dived, forcing the (allegedly) Irish assassin to jump clear. Somersaulting aside as Lagann again burst up under his feet, Henry swept the katana down the machine's side, doing only very light damage. Behind them, Jeane faced the leader of the Dai-Gurren brigade again, wiping her mouth.

"No giving up?"

"I'm not the one who's bleeding. If you were a man you'd understand."

Jeane smiled bloodily. "I understand a lot. I've been hurt before, although most of them wanted to make sure I was still pretty afterwards."

"Looks like...they failed."

The assassin shrugged. "I've known people who would disagree. Anyway, let's−" She'd been still too long. Yoko's bullet hissed over Kamina's shoulder and punched through Jeane's left foot. Her leg folded. Kamina took a step forward, raising his katana, and then stepped back as Travis, who had been running down the trench after his jump, met his attack. Steel katana met energy blade with a crackle, until Jeane rolled over and pulled the brigade leader's ankle, causing him to fall backwards. Travis stepped up, energy blade searing skin from the downed man's throat, picked up the katana, and tossed the metal bladed weapon aside. A bullet brushed his shoulder.

"Ow!"

"Go help Henry. I've got this." Jeane half stood, wincing. She wrapped an arm around Kamina's neck, pulling him up between herself and Yoko's position.

"You're taking me hostage? _Just who the hell do you think I am?" _His elbow bruised her cheek, as he stamped hard, and in general made a difficult human shield.

"I don't really care. Hey, Yoko!" She took a step forward, limping heavily. Kaminea tried to take the opportunity to break her legs, but she forced him to his knees. "Come down from there!"

"Why should I?" A bullet nicked Jeane's left ear.

"Because I believe in reciprocity! Eye for eye, tooth for tooth!" She closed one hand on her hostage's throat, beginning to choke him unconscious, then prised open his jaw.

"Hey hey, no maiming!" This from a very slightly interested Deadpool.

"This? This's just cosmetic damage, he'll be fine!"

"...fair enough."

"Bro!" Simon, in his machine.

"What are you going to do, Simon? Drill through me, and not tear apart your friend too?"

"Simon! You don't achieve anything by backing down! Go for it! I'll be fine."

With considerable effort Jeane yanked out Kamina's left upper incisor. He grunted but didn't scream. Yoko and Simon did, however.

"Jeane...what are you doing?" Jeane didn't turn.

"Ending this quickly. This's only the first round, remember."

"But, seriously, this's−"

"Go help Henry!"

"He says he works better alone."

"The go cut down the platform, bring Yoko down here! Move."

"Okay, but I don't like this..."

"Duly noted. Ok, here's tooth number two." Reach...grab, pull. Molar. "Oooh, nice teeth. Healthy. Maybe I'll auction them."

**Inside Lagann...**

_That's my bro out there, she's tearing out his teeth. What am I going to do? What? How? What can I do? What can I do? I can't believe this! Viral, you'd probably stab him in the back, but you wouldn't just let this happen! What can I do? I'm so... weak, so helpless._

Power began to drain away from the gauge. Driving Lagann hard at Henry, the mech tore through a brick wall, but the assassin jumped over the machine's charge, swiping at Lagann's left leg, sparks arising from the area of impact. A drill burst from Lagann's right wrist, crossing the beam katana with a crackle. Robot and assassin drew back without either gaining a result.

"Mind if I ask you something?"

"What?"

"How is your mech supposed to be non-lethal? If I hesitate for a second I'll be cut in half."

Simon hesitated.

_I'm going to kill someone...a human, for no reason. He's not threatening our villages, this's just a tournament. Once it's over, we can go home, why do we need to win? Why are we going to lose Bro's teeth, for the sake of a game?_

The Spiral Gauge's drain accelerated.

**Outside...**

"Tooth number three, folks! There's thirty more of these, I can keep going. What's it to be?"

"OK! OK! I'm coming down!" Yoko stepped off the platform, shouldering the rifle as she hit the ground. She advanced, weapon levelled.

**Inside...**

_Yoko gave up. I can't handle this on my own._

The gauge continued to spiral inwards. And then , suddenly, Lagann died.

**Outside...**

"Kamina...How are you feeling?"

"I'm the leader of the Dai-Gurren brigade, of course I'm fine!"

"I'm glad...you're okay."

"...Thanks."

Lagann's shutters opened. "I surrender, just stop hurting my bro!"

Deadpool shrugged. "It's your call. Since Yoko's down, I guess it's victory to the messed up family tree."

Jeane let go of Kamina and stood back. "Fine."

"Not quite." Yoko took a step forward, her gun barrel levelled at Jeane's throat. "What stops me from killing you now?"

"You'll be disqualified."

"My team was brought here by force. I don't care if we win or not."

"Fine."

"No arguments?"

"None that you'd accept. Do it."

Her finger began to tighten on the trigger. A buzz, before a beam katana removed the hairs from the back of her neck.

"Sorry," Travis said quietly, "but if anyone kills her, it's going to be me."

Yoko sagged. Kamina got up and went to her, leaving Jeane and Travis staring at each other.

"Um...thanks?"

He walked past her to examine Lagann, producing a phone. "I've always wanted one of these...Hey Naomi?...Yeah, it's me. Got a challenge for you..."

0000000000000000

"I'm sorry," Simon said, eyes downcast, "But...I just didn't need my bro to be hurt."

"As I thought. You're all weak, even by pathetic naked ape standards."

Kamina looked up. "Didn't I beat the crap out of you a few times?"

Viral half drew his sword."You'll regret that!"

Yoko crouched, a few strands of red hair brushing Simon's shoulder. "Don't worry. We'll do better next time." If she noticed his blush, she didn't give any sign.

* * *

_So that's one of my entries. I hope this's ok, sorry if I didn't do justice to my enemies. Good luck to AOF._

_'The clerk' is a reference to an event in Jeane's backstory I haven't written yet. Pizzas act the same way as Medi-Packs or Health potions in the No More Heroes games._

_Oh, and Lagann's power responds to Simon's emotions. I hope I haven't forgotten something._


	3. Complications

**Intermission 1: Complications**

"Well, we got through round one anyway." Henry stepped through the door to their hotel room. Limping, Jeane followed. In the doorway, a beam katana ignited behind her. Heat on the back of her neck.

_Stupid stupid stupid...I heard him say it! Why didn't I...no, we'd best get this out of the way now._

She closed her eyes. "Going to send me back to hell, Travis?" Inside, Henry ignited his katana, but Jeane was standing between the twins. Whatever doubts Jeane had had about her brother's potential threat evaporated...he'd chosen his position perfectly. Even she wasn't quick enough to dodge a katana strike from behind at this range...In a doorway, she had no room to dodge to one side, either. She took a breath.

Travis Touchdown's own exhalation hissed through his teeth. "I should...I know I should."

"Hang on now, kill her, what do you think Hell is going to do, Travis?"

"Shut up Henry! He's not the kind of person you can threaten!"

"Tell me...why I shouldn't..." The katana was wavering.

_There's no hope of a more pleasant dream this time. _"I can't." She made a point of not moving_. If I'm dead, I'm dead. There's nothing I can do. _

"..."

..._He should've done something by now. Then..._The blade sank into the doorframe and deactivated . Jeane resisted the urge to turn.

"Shit...It was hard enough the first time. I don't think I can do this again." He was gone, beam katana in hand.

Jeane took a step forward into the room and collapsed on a cushion. "He never changes, does he? Still so cute."

Henry looked at her. He'd heard a lot of descriptions of his brother, from 'goldmine' to 'idiot' to 'maniac', but this was a new one. "What?"

"Cute. He couldn't finish it, because he knew what was waiting for me. So...innocent. I remember his reaction when I noticed the porn collection."

"Hey now, I don't need those kind of details−"

"You're not getting them. But his face...he was expecting me to...I don't know, start crying or throw something at him. Basic stuff ...no brutality, no kids, barely any props. So anyway, we sat down and watched a few...they were pretty boring to tell the truth. But...God, I hate to admit this...he was such a kid, you know? But it was...fun, back then. Everything else I did was either exploiting or a ...transaction. And then..."

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Travis Touchdown stared into his drink. "She was... so...nice, you know? In a weird way. When she found the porn, it was like she was...I don't know, relieved? I still don't know why. She didn't react to them at all...Now and again, she'd say something like 'Spines don't twist like that', but how could I know how she knew? I knew she hated _Miyuki _for some reason, but there was no way to tell that...Fuck. Fuck!"

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"I was glad he had something. I don't think I could have trusted any guy who was completely fetishless. I mean, Dad was pretty respected. Sure, Travis wasn't the kind of guy you trusted to turn away while you changed your shirt, but...I don't know, even when I knew I was going to end up hurting both of us... I can't deny that...through it all, I genuinely _liked _him. Do you have any idea how rare that is for me? I don't regret what I did to Dad, but I could wish we didn't have the same one. How fucked up is that?"

Henry shrugged "Genetic, I think. Fucked up romances run in the family."

He almost stepped back at her smile. "It wasn't all bad. Although he nearly killed me playing DuelMonsters on the Schpeltiger once. Why?" She shrugged. "Such a kid...So, what am I going to do when he comes back?"

Silence.

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"She used to get scars, but she said they were from fights...she was a small time MMA fighter. Enough to explain the scars, and justify the training, I guess. ...I was so stupid. Went to a few of her bouts. Even then, I could tell she wasn't taking them seriously, the only time I saw her go all out was when one of the opponents drew a knife in the ring. Probably a rival assassin. That, and this one day we were mugged walking home. I was shot four times, she brought me home. And then...so fucking stupid, I could've sworn she was upset I got hurt, but...Aw fuck. Fuck this, I've got places to be." Throwing back his chair, he left the bar.

Metropolis was ordinarily a quite safe city. The hellgate had changed that, but even a pissed Travis was capable of dealing damage. Three cultists and two unwary winged demons lay in his wake by the time chocolate claws closed on his neck from behind.

"Why are you killing my worshippers?"

"They got in my way."

The demon's grip tightened. "Don't play with me! I brought you back to life, and I can take it away just as easily." Yellow tinged eyes flicked skyward. "Am I understood?"

Travis's slightly unfocused stare met the demon's. "Sure. I've been to hell once. Sooner or later, I'll go back. You can't do any more to me than I've got coming already." Beam katana ignited, severing the demons hand...which grew back instantly, with blades. Travis Touchdown took a stance.

"You can probably take me...but can you do it quickly? People will notice by the time we're done. And I think you've been hiding from BORED for a reason."

Death by Chocolate snarled, brown teeth lengthening. "You're still working for me, mortal. Remember that."

"Oh, sure." Travis kept walking as the Chocolate demon slithered through a grating into Metropolis sewers.

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Jeane was waiting for him when he got back to the hotel. She had to notice the claw marks on his neck, but didn't comment. He paused on the threshold, met her glance.

"Thanks for not killing me." She looked down at the coffee table in front of her chair. "Um...listen. During this tournament, we're going to have to be working together. So, for the purposes of staying out of hell for as long as possible...Can we not be enemies, just for now? I know this sounds weird, coming from me."

Long silence. He took her extended hand. "Not enemies."

_For now. Just until I figure things out._

* * *

**Written because I can't brush the history between these two under the carpet. Multiple murders tend to stick in the memory. I don't think I've adequately dealt with it, but it'll do to keep both of them alive for now. Also serves as a setup for potential treachery, which as yet, I have no plans for. Please review, compliments not compulsory. I think I can get away with this, I think there was ****some ****affection between these two: I mean, Travis named his cat Jeane. She didn't kill him even though he witnessed the massacre, and both of them hesitate on their initial chance to kill each other.**


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